semi-expatriation

[adrienmundi]

So Dragoncon is coming up soon, and that's gotten me to thinking. (For those not in the geek-know, it's a big SF/comic/TV/movie/game geekfest in Atlanta.) It used to be that I looked forward with great anticipation at the collection of gaming, comic and general SF/fantasy subcultural immersion. I've been going for years (I think I only missed one, even back when it was Atlanta Comics Con), but more and more over time, it's been unsettling and alienating, and I think I've finally gotten a handle on why.

Back when I was a hard core geek, it had to do with escape, if not actually full scale retreat from conventional reality. Feeling weak, powerless, conflicted and forbidden, I sought outs through heroic (or not so heroic) identification, and threw myself into the subculture with great, if not complete, abandon (gendery stuff could not be spoken). I was a classic stereotype of a gamer; I would spend countless hours creating and improving worlds and characters, but would do nothing to improve the conventional world or my place in it. I was such a whore to the machinery of escapism that I even ended up writing some supplements, and came close to becoming a cog in the works.

But somewhere along the way, I started slowly making changes to my thinking about my place in the world, and that led to small beginnings of actual change. Without the overt need to belong, troubling things began to get harder and harder to ignore, particularly as the con grew in size and popularity. In short, it's that geek culture, particularly as embodied ad D*con, is painfully, proudly and unrepentantly sexist and essentialist.

The gaze is in full force; nowhere else have I seen old, pudgy and socially inept "men" (quotation marks because I haven't checked, and don't intend to) command the attention of scantily clad young women without money changing hands. Every Saturday and Sunday night, it's a parade of "girl" flesh for the devouring gaze of geek "men" and their cameras. Add in the contests (Dawn look alike, pirate girl-only booty, Ms Klingon), the welcoming of girl-girl performative bisexuality, and the situation becomes almost unbearable to me. In very, very rare cases (some band members), only those with (overt) T&A are prepared for and expecting the gaze (and in the few cases of pretty band members sans the above, heterosexuality is loudly and often proclaimed).

Obviously, my positionality makes this problematic, but I tend to think that it was something that I was aware of but actively ignored for years. I don't think it's just because it affects me that I am troubled. It disturbs me to watch people I know willingly partake in social interactions that in any other context they would find troubling, if not outright offensive, to consider or be considered others as object for approval or dismissal, and along very traditionally sexist lines.

I hate unequal privilege in everyday life, but for some reason, I find it all the more infuriating when it is embodied in socially inept middle aged couch/game potatos. I suppose I would expect those who are underprivileged in the general cultural world to be more sensitive to power inequity, not to recreate it more unequally but still along the conventional lines. Geek patriarchy pisses me off way more than general (save for Bush Co. and cohorts, though I suspect their ilk would be quite at home at D*con). But, I go to see friends, which makes me silently complicit, and part of the problem.

Just, ick.

Comments

[redteufel.livejournal.com]

I had noticed the same thing with DragonCon being almost like going to a strip club... I have no clue who Dawn is and was amazed how it was a main event at the Con.... every semi attractive "girl" (some i wondered about) would dress up as Dawn to spend most of the day at the contests.

Of course, if I think about the stereotype of most fan boys/geek boys ... they don't have much of a chance with women... so, it would be advantageous for the con to parade half dressed girls around for a weekend to entertain the boys.

But then you think about it, it's just whoring ...

[adrienmundi]

Yeah, the inequity really drives me nuts. Plus, on a more selfish level, there are flavors of pretty that don't involve T&A; why aren't these on display, as well?

[thegoodwill.livejournal.com]

I had a very similar reaction when I went to Dragoncon, and I've seen it at some of the large gothy events as well, but usually to a lesser degree. I've struggled to not condemn it (the entire surrounding situation) or them (he's & she's) because the women are participating voluntarily, and the overt disgusting behavior is mostly not there. These men will often very politely ask to take a girl's photo, for instance, and she concurs.

But still, I don't like it, and find it a little sad.

[adrienmundi]

I tend to think it's not really informed consent, but I also know I privilege my own perspective. However, if one of the "girls" did come right out and say, "I endorse this behavior as a part of a greater inequity in which I matter and make less", well then, I'd be powerless against critiquing such an informed stance.

[grendel317.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I understand the link between voluntarily walking around scantily clad and being "part of a greater inequity in which [they] matter and make less." I'm not saying it doesn't exist, just that it's not a connection which is immediately obvious to me. I'd be very interested to hear more about your views on this.

From my perspective, when I considered myself muscley and pretty, I walked around in clubs and at DragonCon fairly scantily clad and enjoyed the attention (some of which was from skeezy older people, but it wasn't a big deal for me). At the time, it was just a matter of liking the way I looked and wanting to show it off, and didn't really go any farther than that. I'm interested in hearing other peoples' experiences, though.

[adrienmundi]

As I mentioned below, I think sheer numbers, in conjunction with other societal forces, illustrate the inequity. I don't think it's really contested that in our culture appearance, statistically speaking, probably matters more to and for people defined as "women" than to and for people defined as "men". I attempted to allude to this when I referenced the style-less geek "men" chatting up the scantily clad "women". It is my position that the gaze, culturally, tends to rest in the hands of "men", and is rarely, statistically speaking, turned on other "men", but is instead overwhelmingly turned on "women", such that it seems the norm.

[adrienmundi]

That's not to say I'm against people dressing up and looking good; I'm certainly not. I am, however, for an awareness of context, and at least some degree of reciprococity. In short, I want every one to feel the pressure (or no pressure) of the gaze and the expectation to look good at all times, both from ideological and purely selfish, lascivious positions.

[skiadaimonos.livejournal.com]

So for this to be redressed you'd want to see a dramatic rise in the proportion of 'man'flesh flashed about?

[adrienmundi]

That would be a huge start, certainly. I want the inequity in who is preened and for what gaze redressed, and while I'm at it, I'd like objectification swapped for the acknowledgement of pretty wrapped around volitional subjects. I want the active engagement of beauty, appreciation, possession, preparation and effort, on all sides.

As I've said, hopefully here in comments, it's that it's not a series of isolated incidents, or at least I don't see it as such, but rather what looks like an exageration of conventional sexism where the power resides, is claimed, accumulated in the group who possesses the gaze, and the o(O)ther takes shreds of power and validation from being judged acceptable.

[skiadaimonos.livejournal.com]

Dur, so you are saying that the "chicks" feel obliged to walk around looking slutty in order to get whatever scraps off the power table that the icky, nonscantily dressed "dudes" toss them?

I am so flipping lost in this thread

[scottopic.livejournal.com]

Or is it possible this is your angle on it, while others participate and therefore see it in another way?

[adrienmundi]

I am open to other interpretations, but this is all I see. More perspective is always preferable to less.

[k-navit.livejournal.com]

Wow. This world you describe is quite alien to me (pun intended), but your description is provocative and the questions you raise are fascinating. It's almost enough to make me want to go as a sort of social experiment :-)

So are you going this year?

[adrienmundi]

Yeah, to see friends I wouldn't otherwise see, and to try to find a way for it not to suck. If you head over, be sure to let me know.

[delayra.livejournal.com]

As the voice of the devil's advocate, though I've never been to DragonCon (or Atlanta Comics Con), geek culture in general has always seemed more accepting of my particular gendery oddities. I was one of the Sloungers, when they existed, and apparently in later years when I let them know publicly about my not-so-mainstream sexuality and preferences, the most surprised reaction, even from someone who only vaguely knew who I was and we'd never really talked was akin to, "Huh. Innit that somethin'..."

As far as being skin-circus events... um, conventions are the inhibition grease that predate the internet. For decades now, conventions have been the destination of choice to lose oneself in the anonymity of like minds, and be someone wholly not who you are

[adrienmundi]

But it's an unequal skin circus, with only "girl"y skin on display, and that's a huge part of what bothers me.

heh

[the-hueman.livejournal.com]

>But it's an unequal skin circus, with only "girl"y skin on display, and that's a >huge part of what bothers me.

then obviously you haven't been paying attention...

the Blue Man is in no way girly,,, and way way tooo much of his skin is on display,,,

Re: heh

[adrienmundi]

But that's one person; can you name all the scantily clad girls, even by costume? My point being that it's not simply a string of isolated incidents, but also a part of a larger pattern.

[grendel317.livejournal.com]

I dunno... I've seen a lot of pretty boys(?) there, too. For instance, did you see the guy in the Hawk Man costume last year? And there are always a lot of muscley guys walking around in fishnet shirts and silly pants in the evenings, too.

I mean, yes, there are more creepy old men leering at scantily clad young women than vice versa, and that's kind of "bleargh." I don't think it's fair to say that there is "only 'girl'y skin on display," though.

[adrienmundi]

Yeah, I did see Hawkman, and that rocked, but as I said above to Hue, that is one instance. Sheer numbers, I think, illustrate the inequity. And when I say "only girly skin on display" what I mean is "overwhelmingly girly skin on display, statistically speaking". I did not mean 'only' in a literal sense.

[skiadaimonos.livejournal.com]

Ok, please please please dont take this in any other way than me initially trying to comprehend the logistics-- In view of this line of commentary, remind me how you define girlmanwomanboyinnyoutywhathaveyou?

Titty Photographer

[the-hueman.livejournal.com]

okay Adrien, I am so totally with you on this one. But I have to agree with Scott as well.

First and foremost, I have seen the behavior you describe and it fucking disgusts me to no damn end. In particular there is this geriatric pervert who walks around the con with a black tee shirt that has six inch white letters across his enourmous gut that proclaim "Titty Photographer".

Every time I see that old goutuous perv I want to go up to him and tell him to get a damn life, that women don't exist for you to take pictures of and then jerk off to later...

Absolutely disgusting. I am so with you here.

But, before anything else,...

before being a pacifist

before being a bisexual male

before being a hippy

before being a unitarian

before being married

I am a Geek.

Ever since I was a wee young 'un I have ****absolutely fucking loved**** comic books, role playing games, science fiction and the like.

I'm a Geek.

And I love the activities and events that occur at Dragon Con. I love going to talks about geek things, I love LARPing I love table top gaming, And I plan to do a lot of gaming at this con. Sure the skin fest in the hallway and lobbies annoys me but ce la ve, I can ignore it.

The fact that I get to attend cool events and see my friends trumps the fact that there are a buch of DORKS at Con.

Geeks are cool.

Dorks suck.

I'm a geek, you're a geek. Titty Photographer is a Dork,

Re: Titty Photographer

[adrienmundi]

I guess the question for me is, at what point do the dorks and what the bring with them overwhelm geek culture? This is the question with which I struggle, and it's exacerbated by the fact that I feel further and further from the mainstream of even geek culture as time passes. I don't doubt that there are people present who don't suck, who don't endorse what looks like it has become dominant to me, who have not necessarily been coopted by the machinery of commodification and assimilation, but again, at what point does the bad outweigh the good? I don't have an anwer to that one yet.

Re: Titty Photographer

[skiadaimonos.livejournal.com]

Hrm, thing is this is more an argument about icky people versus non icky people (individual trait)--a morality of aesthetics if you will.

I'm, like, totally lost over here

[therealmalice.livejournal.com]

I haven't gone to D*C in several years, and I can't say I've missed it.

I'm totally with you on the pathetic nature of the "girl flesh" on display at the con....and it seems to have gotten worse and worse and worse every year. Of course, I say this as one who voluntarily took part in the whole charade, once upon a time. Now the thought pretty much disgusts me.

(Have I really grown wiser? Or am I just jellus 'cause I ain't got what it takes anymore?)

Like you, I'll be there to see friends, and will attempt to make it not suck. Thank you for voicing -exactly- what I was feeling.

[adrienmundi]

We'll have to drink and be surly together, then. I'm convinced drinking in good company may be an important part of the not-suck recipe.

[srl.livejournal.com]

I haven't been to D*C since I became aware of myself as queer--- but one was not a direct result of the other. That said, I do know that charliegrrrl and at least one of her partners tend to go to it most years. (Not that this eliminates the issues of power and display you're talking about at all; just a comment.)

[gedanken23.livejournal.com]

I had never thought of it that way. strip clubs yes, I now enjoy those a ton less than as a young buck for similar reasons, but not con.

[skiadaimonos.livejournal.com]

This how you feel about stripping and pr0n too?

[adrienmundi]

I've no direct knowledge of stripping, so can't really comment, and porn is complicated and confusing for other reasons that I don't think I'm clear on it (though I do wish for more openness, play, and variety, at least as contrasted to what I've seen).