question of the moment

[adrienmundi]

Is it possible to be both kind and hold strong opinions?

(Discuss at will.)

Comments

[celticmoni.livejournal.com]

Absolutely.

[adrienmundi]

Follow up: how?

[celticmoni.livejournal.com]

Diplomacy, I suppose would be the key.

Perhaps not holding the bearer of the differing (or offending) opinion immediately responsible for an offense, which may have merely been a result of misinformation.

Failing that, making peace with the knowledge that the offender's ignorance is likely so deeply igrained, that sharing your strong opinions on the offending matter will likely change nothing.

[champignon.livejournal.com]

Definitely.

You just have to know (and act upon the knowledge) that not every situation is the appropriate situation for you to express all your strong opinions.

[adrienmundi]

I suppose you'll tell me the secret is knowing the difference between appropriate and inappropriate times, without clear instructions on just how to do it, eh? ;)

[champignon.livejournal.com]

I guess that's where I think the kindness comes in, which is tied in with having some level of empathy and awareness of how what you say or do affects those around you. (and caring about that)

And there are no clear instructions on that, and it always involves making mistakes. But if the kindness is there, mistakes are usually easy to get over.

I'm surprised that it sounds like you are concerned about this for yourself. I initially thought that you were snarkily referring to someone you'd had a run-in with.

You obviously have strong opinions, but I don't sense unkindness in you at all.

[adrienmundi]

Very concerned about it for myself, yes. While I believe I am kind, I don't have faith that always comes out, so I worry, a lot. But thanks, I really appreciate the response.

[anansi133.livejournal.com]

It can be a kindness to act on the reality that one's strong opinions are not always appropriate to share.

I find it useful to distinguish between feelings and judgements. If it's a feeling (emotion) then I can state it as something that I own, I take responsibiluty for. If it's a judgement, then I'm inviting someone into my drama if I share it.

[adrienmundi]

That's a potentially useful distinction, but a line I find particularly muddy, at least in myself. Food for thought.

[anansi133.livejournal.com]

Too bad I can't claim credit: I basically cribbed it from NVC lingo.

[justanotherg33k.livejournal.com]

I would say that folks like Gandhi and MLK are proof that it is possible, but I think it is even attainable for those of us who are not MLK or Gandhi.

I heard a very good Speaking of Faith with a speaker name George Ellis. He was a South African Quaker who was involved in the struggle against Apartheid. He said that what they found to be most important was to shed light on wrongs without denying the humanity of the oppressors. If we forget that our foes are also human, it becomes easy to justify our own atrocities. South Africa is also an extreme example, I suppose.

I think that there are more mundane lessons to be taken from this but I don't know that I can articulate them well, and I certainly don't have a recipe. If I find one, I'll be happy to share it.

[adrienmundi]

While I won't hold my breath, if you stumble across that recipe I'd certainly like it.

[grendel317.livejournal.com]

I'm probably not a good person to ask, as I tend to view the two as almost entirely orthogonal. I know that my own strong opinions are often not welcome and viewed as being arrogant and overbearing, though, especially by people whom I would like to be friends with. It's hard for me to sort this out, because I don't think I really understand the underlying issues.

That said, I think there are a lot of people in the world with undeniably strong opinions who are still widely viewed as being kind.

[adrienmundi]

Orthogonal: interesting perspective. There's got to be a way, and it frustrates me that I don't seem to know it or be able to figure it out.

[skiadaimonos.livejournal.com]

Was there ever a question?
Since when does "kind" mean "doormat" or "spineless" or even thoughtless?

I cannot stress enough how much i dispise lobster
It would never cross my mind to either forbid others from enjoying it, or think any less of them because they like to eat roaches.

Fully realized volitional persons

[adrienmundi]

I get the analogy, but I'm not always sure it's that simple (of course, I'm not sure that it's not, either).

[skiadaimonos.livejournal.com]

Mechanically, yes it is that simple
Pragmatically, the difficulty lies in just how dangerous one perceives of an opposing view.

It is still probably true that no one can put anything in your coffee unless you let them. The amount of effort in realizing and actualizing this truism is an entirely different story.

[adrienmundi]

The problem, for me, is that what if an action is perceived as causing harm, either directly or indirectly? That seems different than matters of taste, and this is where I think I stumble most often.

[skiadaimonos.livejournal.com]

Oh, and note how this latter issue has nothing at all to do with the original thing about different tastes.