inadvertent frustration
Sep. 1st, 2005 09:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrienmundiWhen I'm sick, I need something to occupy my mind enough to let me sneak into sleep. If I don't, I'll just brood, or get caught up in a fevered circle of thought that leads nowhere, but keeps my other girlfriend* from hooking up with me. Usually, it's TV; there's enough sound and light that my brain is drawn towards it, so I can sleep on the couch. Today, though, our cable is out, so after hours of trying on my own, I dipped into video. Way in the back I found a cheesy porno (Pornogothic, if you're wondering) that we got years ago and never finished (not because it was that good, either). So, morbidly curious, and hoping it was inane enough to let me sleep, I popped it in.
Sleep did not come, damn it. I tried reading plus TV, and even that didn't work. So, I occasionally glanced up, and was struck at how absolutely inane porn is, just a string of the flimsiest of plots to show designed for the mainstream bodies having unrealistic sex (unless straight guys really do refuse to come anywhere in performatively bisexual women's bodies, which I kinda doubt, but I don't know for sure).
Even when sick, though, my brain is pretty structural, and I kept trying to find a way "in" to the movie. Usually I do this through character, but identification for me is tricky when people are naked; there was no one in the movie with my collection of parts. I kept trying to click with some of the girlies, but then the stupid action would kick in, and the "ew, not pretty" response would kick in (not that I have a problem with outies, I just don't really get into the way outies are packaged in mainstream porn). I have tried the inevitable shemale/chicks with dicks porn, but really, I'd rather not connect erotically through pretty demeaning objectification as novelty. I think that's why pics of individuals may get me started, but stuff with more than one doesn't really do it for me; there's implied action, implied subject position, and I keep trying to fit myself in, and can't.
Bleh. I just want porn that doesn't suck, with people with different bodies, maybe even some like mine that I can click with.
*what fairyhead calls sleep
Sleep did not come, damn it. I tried reading plus TV, and even that didn't work. So, I occasionally glanced up, and was struck at how absolutely inane porn is, just a string of the flimsiest of plots to show designed for the mainstream bodies having unrealistic sex (unless straight guys really do refuse to come anywhere in performatively bisexual women's bodies, which I kinda doubt, but I don't know for sure).
Even when sick, though, my brain is pretty structural, and I kept trying to find a way "in" to the movie. Usually I do this through character, but identification for me is tricky when people are naked; there was no one in the movie with my collection of parts. I kept trying to click with some of the girlies, but then the stupid action would kick in, and the "ew, not pretty" response would kick in (not that I have a problem with outies, I just don't really get into the way outies are packaged in mainstream porn). I have tried the inevitable shemale/chicks with dicks porn, but really, I'd rather not connect erotically through pretty demeaning objectification as novelty. I think that's why pics of individuals may get me started, but stuff with more than one doesn't really do it for me; there's implied action, implied subject position, and I keep trying to fit myself in, and can't.
Bleh. I just want porn that doesn't suck, with people with different bodies, maybe even some like mine that I can click with.
*what fairyhead calls sleep
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no subject
Date: 2005-09-02 04:17 am (UTC)quite possibly the worst thing i've EVER bought..
uhm, i mean.. err. never heard of it... lol
no subject
Date: 2005-09-02 04:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-02 12:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-02 05:43 pm (UTC)Like someone looking over and saying, "You know this would never happen in real life right?"
Or maybe make them all wear snow shoes and all refer to each other in the third person?
If someone gave me the money I could make a porno for all to enjoy, and likely not find the least bit erotic... but it would be damn entertaining.