a clarification

[adrienmundi]

Something my therapist said to me recently struck me wrong, and has stuck with me. When discussing how to live in the larger social world while at the same time working to meet my own need for pursuit of personal authenticity, she said something about how it would undoubtedly be difficult for anyone "working towards true androgyny". The thing is, I'm not sure I'm pursuing "true androgyny" (presuming that I knew what it was), and worry that if I've given this impression to my therapist, that I might have given it to others, as well.

What I'm after is me-ness, not really dependent on traditional conceptions of 'masculinity' or 'femininity' (again, even if I knew what those were). It may be splitting hairs, but androgyny, to me, means an intentional mixing of those sets, from within the existing contexts, and I honestly don't think that's what I'm about. I don't want to be, or present, fixity, any end state; I want to be able to select things I want based on my wanting them at that point in time, not necessarily based on someone else's categorizations and assignments.

I swear, this made sense in my head before I started; now, I'm not so sure.

Comments

[servingdonuts.livejournal.com]

It makes sense to me. You don't want androgenity for its own sake; androgenity is a means (a method? a mechanism? an accidental by-product?) of getting what you do want, which is simply an identity. Others might recognize that identity as androgenous, but their observation is not your intent.

?

I swear, this made sense in my head before I started; now, I'm not so sure.

If it's not making sense to you, you might be getting confused about whether your intent is or is not dependent on others' perceptions of your identity.

?

[adrienmundi]

I think the not making sense is a byproduct of trying to put this into words, whereas my experience of it is alinguistic.

But yeah, accidental byproduct, at best, the perception of androgyny.

[celticmoni.livejournal.com]

It makes sense to me.

I think everyone wants that, but we're told that it's all about making choices and "following through with them."

...

Never did understand what was at the end of "through"...