anger

[adrienmundi]

I'm carrying a lot of anger lately, and it just seems to be growing. It pisses me off that I am read as a 'man' to just about everyone, and there's nothing I can do about that. I'll never have my 'not-man' status socially accepted or validated, even if on incorrect terms, which I can't even defend against it because I won't try to convince anyone I'm a 'man' who wants to be a 'woman'. My terms, my experience isn't even in play; it's just not an option of consideration. I'll be read as a 'man' until I die, and I'm not OK with this. Despite my love for people, I hate them all at least a little bit for doing this to me, but since they aren't even aware that they are, it's a useless, burdensome anger that's very real and very justified, no matter that it's unfocusable. I will never be so saintly as to be able to forgive people for this, and I doubt they'll ever understand, no matter how hard I work.

Comments

[srl.livejournal.com]

I wish I didn't understand quite so well. Hang in there.

[adrienmundi]

Do you find that having your 'not-woman' status validated does anything to the anger levels?

[srl.livejournal.com]

I find I'm much less angry about the world now that people validate that; the problem has shifted to whether people can see the not-man parts instead.

[adrienmundi]

It's what I'd always assumed, but I realized I hadn't asked before now.