work issues (coworker)

[adrienmundi]

So the newest new guy, a self proclaimed "skirt chaser" and "gangsta" is finally feeling comfortable enough to try and propagate his idea of guy bonding, namely talking about women in a painfully objectifying way. I've tried combatting it with humor (for example, when talking about hooking up with a girl the night before, then saying, "But she can't be my girlfriend; she gave it up too fast. But we can hang out". My reply, "You just need to get a golden retriever and some hand lotion"), but that's not working. What's worse is, it's spreading; he'll open a conversation, and other guys will laugh, validating/authorizing, or comment, or join in. I don't know how to deal with this gracefully, but it's not comfortable. I mean, we joke with one another, but always from a position of general equals; this is different, and very unwelcome, at least for me.

Comments

[fierce-rabbit.livejournal.com]

Gawd.

Would it be completely out of line to say something like, "That's not funny" or "That's entirely inappropriate"?

[theinnocence.livejournal.com]

:-/

[sepia-green.livejournal.com]

That's the face that I make in this type of situation, followed by a half eye-roll, head shake, and disappointed sigh as I turn and walk away, usually while muttering "Oy-to-the-vey..."

[arcticturtle.livejournal.com]

Oy!

What's worse is, it's spreading; he'll open a conversation, and other guys will laugh, validating/authorizing, or comment, or join in.

Oy! And double oy, because I can visualize all too well how that happens.

I think you're beyond where humor will do it. It may be time to resort to shame - something like, "You know, I have a girlfriend, a mother, a sister, and a bunch of female friends, and the thought of people talking about them that way really bothers me."

It may be best to do this precisely when other guys are there, too. Even if he's too callous to respond, maybe you can turn the tide of the group dynamics against him. After all, his boldness in promoting his mindset is influencing the group; why shouldn't yours?

That's a pretty bold prescription I've just written for you, I realize...

[arcticturtle.livejournal.com]

(Thinking about it)

There has got to be some kind of "best practices" guide for Confronting Sexist Machismo somewhere out there. I mean, you're only the eighty millionth person to face the problem. Somebody's got to have figured this out, right?

I think your feminist education is more thorough than mine. Find it and let me know!

[k-navit.livejournal.com]

Man, this shit makes me bleed out of my eye sockets.
I'm not sure there's a graceful way to handle it.