(no subject)

[adrienmundi]

started crying in the shower today. I don't cry, hardly ever; I'm not very good at it. It never lasts long, it's choked back, held in check, never really releasing the sadness. Off and on for the past several weeks, I have been overwhelmed; my stomach, which never bothers me, has been extremely uneasy, I'm not sleeping well, the precurosorial sensation to tears pops up in me all the time. It is too much; I am not strong enough to change what has to be changed. I am weak, small, and it is far too much, too entrenched, too big for me to handle. I cannot seem to trust those who tell me i can trust them. I am frightened all the time, and I don't know how to stop. I can't not do this, but can I do this? What if I can't pull it off? What if what I am being offered isn't enough, will never be enough? I can not go back in the box, but can I live outside of it?

Comments

[subjective.livejournal.com]

this happens to me too (the crying, the anxiety, the restless sleep), & i'm trying to stop looking for the reasons why. since it is not happening to me at this particular moment, i can say this. you can do this, you are already doing it. try to draw strength from the people you love, & who love you.

and also, really, it makes me feel much less alone to know that someone else is doing this too. somehow comforting. if you are ever up this way please get in touch. take care. xo.

[adrienmundi]

Thanks for the encouragement. It's too bad Boston (is that right?) is so far away.

[subjective.livejournal.com]

it's too bad that when i fly to florida in a few weeks i'm transferring through charlotte instead of atlanta.

[irana.livejournal.com]

Not certain where these feelings stem from, but perhaps a private release session is in order? Sometimes, the only way to get rid of the emotion, is to release it.

[moonbird.livejournal.com]

You seem to be going through part of what I've been dealing with the past few months. Give me a buzz, I'm much better at taking care of others and "making it all better" than I am for myself. I'm also an excellent listener.

--J