looking forward

[adrienmundi]

I want to focus on intent across many areas. Historically, I think this is where I've tended to falter, this idea of commitment to try or project, and is probably a big part of what makes me look disconnected, removed, or lazy. I'm tired of just waiting and assessing what comes to me, tired of not making a conscious effort. I think fear of failure motivates a lot of this; for some reason, it seems like less of a failure if I try less than if I do.

Comments

[fairyhead.livejournal.com]

It's a pretty common thing for people to choose failing with no effort over failing with effort. I spent most of my undergraduate time doing this and still have to consciously avoid doing this.

[adrienmundi]

Yeah, I know, and it all makes sense logically, but I hate that it feels like passivity on my part. I think a lot of it may overlap with the fact that a lot of things require so little effort for me (I know, "Poor Malcom") that I don't know what it *feels* like to really commit to endeavours, if that makes sense?