(no subject)

[adrienmundi]

Talking with the most beloved last night (while listening to some dreadfully retro techno) kind of underscored some of my issues on the whole power thing (it's my obssession du moment). She pointed out that lots of people grant/give it to me, and my unplanned response was, "Well, sure, I guess I'm worthy of that power insofar as I don't excercise it". I'm not sure what I meant with 'excercise', but I thought it was interesting that I feel like a safe repository, but not a safe agent. I wonder why/when I came into the notion that power is BAD, or at best meddlesome and tricky.

Maybe it's just that I don't think I know any other way to use it other than bluntly, coercively. I know that in any interaction, there is some power being implemented, but it doesn't feel like I'm bringing anything to bear (it may be tied in to my unwillingness to recognize effort that seems, well, effortless).

Kind of losing my point here; I'm off track.