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Jul. 25th, 2009 10:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrienmundiWhen I used to get so unhappy that it felt almost unbearable, my cat Boris had a very specific head butt that would always bring me back from the edge and make me realize that there was at least one sentient creature who knew and wanted to make it better. I miss him so much, but I'm so much the richer for my time with him.
*****
Talking with fairyhead tonight, she pointed out that part of my fears of abandonment could be traced back to my family (I just tended to assume it's rooted in gender, and being discarded when uncomfortable or inconvenient). Because I was not constantly in need of supervision, attention or to be saved like my sister, I was all but ignored; the fruit of base competence was willful indifference. My folks talked a lot about unconditional love, but when my sister needed help for any reason, priorities seemed pretty clear, and it wasn't me. If I ever asked for anything, it was treated as an unwelcome aberration from the comfortable norm. It reminds me that there's a series of very good reasons I have almost no contact with my family.
*****
Talking with fairyhead tonight, she pointed out that part of my fears of abandonment could be traced back to my family (I just tended to assume it's rooted in gender, and being discarded when uncomfortable or inconvenient). Because I was not constantly in need of supervision, attention or to be saved like my sister, I was all but ignored; the fruit of base competence was willful indifference. My folks talked a lot about unconditional love, but when my sister needed help for any reason, priorities seemed pretty clear, and it wasn't me. If I ever asked for anything, it was treated as an unwelcome aberration from the comfortable norm. It reminds me that there's a series of very good reasons I have almost no contact with my family.
