Curious

[adrienmundi]

Speaking with the most beloved about issues underscored a curious point; I feel guilty for wanting to look like I want to look.

I don't think most people feel guilty for, say, wanting to lose weight/tone up, or for wanting a change in hair color/cut, for wearing colored contact lenses, etc. I suspect it's because my look desires cross "gender boundaries" (which are annoying social conventions, not biological imperatives to me) that the feeling of guilt (ie, inertia powered by the fear of it being "wrong", "superficial", etc that reinforces that which I hate). I hate that; I should be able to work past it, but guilt and fear do an amazing job of holding me in place.

Comments

[casketgirl.livejournal.com]

I've had guilt issues about my weight. Mostly I feel that maybe I could have been as happy/happier when I was larger if I could have just accepted it. I sometimes feel bad for wanting to be skinnier because I think i'm letting myself be brainwashed by the media. Ideally, as long as my weight is within a healthy range, it shouldn't matter? Right? That's what I tell myself, but it doesn't stop me from dieting and wanting to be a certain size or number.