I know,and thanks for taking the time to reiterate it. I'm hoping over time it will feel less terrifying.
I think one of my biggest fears is that I feel the need to have some communication around this with both my mom and my dad, and I worry about the specifics. I don't want it to seem like I'm punishing them or trying to hurt them while at the same time sticking to saying what I need to say and not letting it turn into something all about them and their feelings. I'm not after ultimata, but don't trust that I can make it clear that this is something I need to do for myself and not some attempt at control. I also don't trust myself not to get hurt, and to react with anger, at which point I am more likely to be intentionally hurtful.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2010-01-01 11:41 pm (UTC)I think one of my biggest fears is that I feel the need to have some communication around this with both my mom and my dad, and I worry about the specifics. I don't want it to seem like I'm punishing them or trying to hurt them while at the same time sticking to saying what I need to say and not letting it turn into something all about them and their feelings. I'm not after ultimata, but don't trust that I can make it clear that this is something I need to do for myself and not some attempt at control. I also don't trust myself not to get hurt, and to react with anger, at which point I am more likely to be intentionally hurtful.