green and black girl
Jul. 12th, 2010 06:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrienmundiSeveral weeks ago I thought I was having trouble sleeping, and was so tired, so wanting to sleep that I as petulant and a little desperate. Some years ago fairyhead, a lifelong insomniac, started semi-jokingly referring to Sleep as my other girlfriend, because compared to her, I was getting all sorts of favoritism and action. I'm not sure if the idea was planted in my head by that, or if there were other nonneurotypical things going on in my brain, but I'd begin to get a sense, a feel, and even a glimpse of Sleep: a slim, silent girl with pale skin, long wavy black hair and a mischievous smile always about to break on her face. I'd say hi, flirt, and plead fairyhead's case (sadly, to little avail). When I had particularly bad time with sleep, I'd try to make up with her, and a lot of the time it seemed to work. For some reason, over the past few years, I don't see her as much; maybe I hadn't been calling her up, or maybe we drifted apart.
But this particular night I thought I was in such sad shape, sleep-wise, that it wouldn't hurt to see if she'd still take my calls. I settled back, slowed my breathing and reached in/out for that space where I sometimes see things. I didn't see anything at first, then suddenly saw someone I didn't recognize, a girl with long, straight black hair, bangs swept right over her forehead. She was wearing something dark green and black (wool sweater and skirt, maybe?), and looking at me through what looked like a large, clear, thick walled hollow glass globe or container in the middle of a dark room that had the sense of an underground lair or lab. The globe didn't appear to contain anything, but I remember noticing the imperfections and bubbles in the thick glass that I took to be signs of age. I remember the girl in black and green held my gaze, then her eyes flashed and she kicked or knocked the globe over. I could hear and see it shatter, thousands of tiny shards falling and bouncing on the floor while she laughed ... not quite maniacally, but wildly, with a tinge of the amoral or extramoral that made me think she was not some accident, but a visitor, some Other that I didn't know and the time, and still don't.
It shook me, for sure. I remember details that suggest it was imprinted forcefully on my memory. It was the next week that the image of an alembic came to mind, writing this post, and things seemed to connect. Shit is breaking in me, spread all over the floor, and whatever was contained is free, all at once. It's awful, terrible, and probably brutally necessary. I have been looking for the green and black girl, but I can't find her. All I can recall is the look in her eye, and that extrareal, extrapresent laugh. I want to ask her, Is this what you meant to happen? I don't expect to get an answer.
But this particular night I thought I was in such sad shape, sleep-wise, that it wouldn't hurt to see if she'd still take my calls. I settled back, slowed my breathing and reached in/out for that space where I sometimes see things. I didn't see anything at first, then suddenly saw someone I didn't recognize, a girl with long, straight black hair, bangs swept right over her forehead. She was wearing something dark green and black (wool sweater and skirt, maybe?), and looking at me through what looked like a large, clear, thick walled hollow glass globe or container in the middle of a dark room that had the sense of an underground lair or lab. The globe didn't appear to contain anything, but I remember noticing the imperfections and bubbles in the thick glass that I took to be signs of age. I remember the girl in black and green held my gaze, then her eyes flashed and she kicked or knocked the globe over. I could hear and see it shatter, thousands of tiny shards falling and bouncing on the floor while she laughed ... not quite maniacally, but wildly, with a tinge of the amoral or extramoral that made me think she was not some accident, but a visitor, some Other that I didn't know and the time, and still don't.
It shook me, for sure. I remember details that suggest it was imprinted forcefully on my memory. It was the next week that the image of an alembic came to mind, writing this post, and things seemed to connect. Shit is breaking in me, spread all over the floor, and whatever was contained is free, all at once. It's awful, terrible, and probably brutally necessary. I have been looking for the green and black girl, but I can't find her. All I can recall is the look in her eye, and that extrareal, extrapresent laugh. I want to ask her, Is this what you meant to happen? I don't expect to get an answer.
