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Aug. 10th, 2010 08:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrienmundiI think having a fever is the worst part of being sick for me. Past a certain point, it feels like my brain is cooking. I can't think clearly, everything's a jumble, there's no sorting because there are no sorting principles available. Linear progression, causality, those are just surface ideas very tenuously attached to feeling and experience. Fevers really seem to fuck with my head, and make me feel physically unwelcome in my own flesh.
Benadryl feels like a different sort of danger. I've known for a long time that "may cause drowsiness" means "will drop you like a fucking sledgehammer to the head" for me. What I haven't always been aware of were the hallucinations, or something like them. As I'm drifting away from what I generally think of as wakefulness, but well before I slide into the blackness of sleep, I see and hear things. Sometimes they're conversations between people who may or may not be aware of me; sometimes I get visions of fears, or of people I know talking directly to me, and sometimes it's like coming in on the middle of a movie for five to twenty minutes. I never know if it's stuff dredged up from my subconscious, some sort of interbrain communication, messages from somewhere else, or just weird chemical interactions. It's disorienting, and not terribly pleasant.
Benadryl feels like a different sort of danger. I've known for a long time that "may cause drowsiness" means "will drop you like a fucking sledgehammer to the head" for me. What I haven't always been aware of were the hallucinations, or something like them. As I'm drifting away from what I generally think of as wakefulness, but well before I slide into the blackness of sleep, I see and hear things. Sometimes they're conversations between people who may or may not be aware of me; sometimes I get visions of fears, or of people I know talking directly to me, and sometimes it's like coming in on the middle of a movie for five to twenty minutes. I never know if it's stuff dredged up from my subconscious, some sort of interbrain communication, messages from somewhere else, or just weird chemical interactions. It's disorienting, and not terribly pleasant.
