(no subject)

Last night, I dreamed I was at work and trying to explain my position to someone. My boss walked up and said, "No, remember, you're on that new track; your position is janissary". Suddenly, in dream logic, I remembered that the other track was about people and management and the like, and saw the word janisary written in sort of light purple. Even within the dream context, though, the title bothered me. I couldn't figure out what any of that had to do with axes, muskets and terror, and the idea of being an exotic terrorist for upper management did not sit well.


I've been having a lot of really unusual dreams for weeks now, and it bugs me that I don't know what they mean. At least I'm not waking up recently confused about the line between dream and waking, or deeply weirded out. Now, I'm just taking it for granted that they're odd, and their meaning is inaccessible to me.


I have been waking into incredible sadness, and that feeling isn't ever really all that far from me most days. It's like I'm mourning the loss of something, or I'm in the process of losing something, only I don't know what it is. I'd really prefer my grief to be connected to something, please.

(no subject)

Do you ask the questions you want answered, or the questions you want to be asked?