brain garbage

(or, "I don't understand why I'm not 7 feet tall, green, and much stronger")

Note to no one that reads here:

Unremarked sexism will only be unremarked for so long. Of course, when that changes, I'll be the asshole.


and also:

You're the star of your movie. You aren't even supporting cast in mine.


Incoherent subcultural/identity group rage:

It's not that it's not always about me; I get that. It's that it's never about me. Maybe that's the intended message, and I'm too stubborn or stupid to get it.


Inclusion and replicatoin:

Dominance and hegemony come in many forms. Just because you're underprivileged and outcast over there doesn't mean it's impossible for you to do the exact same thing to others over here. Trust me on this.


In other news:

My endocrine system is confused as fuck. For that matter, so is my limbic system.


And finally:

I should probably eat something.

envy

If I'm honest with myself (an ongoing project), I can admit to a lot of envy for a lot of people, in simple, straight forward ways; I wish I could do/have X like person Z"*. More and more lately, it's not a tool utilized to punish myself for... whatever; like James Dean, my historical answer has tended to be, "What do ya got?". So, envy, for what it's worth, feels like progress. If you're reading this, odds are good you're on the list of the envied.

But I think most of the time, I realize it's an unbalanced way of seeing the world and the people in it, a one way syllogism, if you will. I can see the enviable traits in others, and I can envy them, but I may be blind to the enviable traits I possess (assuming they're there).

So, you know, maybe this is a desperate plea for some ego love, or maybe it's a struggle for balanced perspective (honestly, probably bits of both), but if you're so inclined, I'm curious what, if anything, might be enviable about me. Who knows, maybe we can swap perspectives for a bit, and maybe get better together.





*which is very different than jealousy or spite; I don't have X like person Z, and I want to take it away from them/wish they didn't have it either"