on my mind
Oct. 21st, 2007 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrienmundiWhy does retracing one's steps, backtracking, feel more like failure than common sense?
I experience myself as tightly wound, holding a lot of anger very close so it doesn't leak out. I've come to understand that others experience me as very angry, much of the time.
I wrote in answer to a questionnaire recently, "My guilt and my pleasures are mutually exclusive." I worry that I'm given too much credit by inference; what I mean is that the latter is removed from the former, not the other way around, quite often to my own detriment. I want to undo that, and have no idea how to start.
I don't like social anxiety. I understand why many people smoke to mask it, but I don't want to do that. Besides, I don't think ease or courage comes in any commercially available cigarette.
I spent the majority of my afternoon sitting outside in the sun, reading and writing. The time without speaking or human interaction was very nice. I need to do more of that.
I experience myself as tightly wound, holding a lot of anger very close so it doesn't leak out. I've come to understand that others experience me as very angry, much of the time.
I wrote in answer to a questionnaire recently, "My guilt and my pleasures are mutually exclusive." I worry that I'm given too much credit by inference; what I mean is that the latter is removed from the former, not the other way around, quite often to my own detriment. I want to undo that, and have no idea how to start.
I don't like social anxiety. I understand why many people smoke to mask it, but I don't want to do that. Besides, I don't think ease or courage comes in any commercially available cigarette.
I spent the majority of my afternoon sitting outside in the sun, reading and writing. The time without speaking or human interaction was very nice. I need to do more of that.
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-22 01:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-22 10:35 pm (UTC)