(no subject)

[adrienmundi]

Oh, the things I do for my friends/let my friends do for me... tomorrow will likely suck, but so it goes.


I kind of want people to see me when I'm strong, when something else is flowing into/through me. I worry that most see the upswing, without seeing the full manifestation. In part, sure, it's validation, but on another level, it's just... cool, and should be shared. What's the point in strength like that if it doesn't get to flex its muscles, do its best with warm intentions and a degree of convivial ruthlessness?

Comments

[ineffabelle]

"What's the point in strength like that if it doesn't get to flex its muscles, do its best with warm intentions and a degree of convivial ruthlessness?"
Agreed. See, I've always seen you as the Olympic swimmer who is embarassed of their own power. Let it go sometimes, you might be pleasantly surprised...
I know I can take it, and there are others, probably more local to you who can as well.

[adrienmundi]

The thing is, I don't know how to let it go. The personalized package of my socialization has many, many avenues that lead to the same center: me, restrained, my own jailer lest someone else be forced to do it for me. I can get glimpses, when alone, and over time, more and more in some contexts, but the ruthlessness and amorality give me pause, and then the doubt and castigation pour in via that gap.