On words

[adrienmundi]

Specifically, pronouns:

This has almost always been a rough part for me, for reasons I'm sure a regular reader will know (probably to the point of tedium). In a nutshell, here's the breakdown:

I know "he" isn't right. It's also darned uncomfortable, at times painful and unpleaseant. It bugs me that this is the default to which others will resort, seemingly without question. Plus, I've logged way too much time exclusively under this label that doesn't fit.

I suspect "she" isn't right, either, but I've very little experiential data with which to make a more certain claim. It's certainly not the default. And, while it may be wrong, it doesn't have the accumulation of years of experienced wrongness attached to it.

I don't like "he", but knowing that "she" likely isn't right either, it feels unfair to request a change on the part of others, particularly since I suspect that it indicates a polar shift in the minds of many.

I've said before, "Use whichever seems appropriate" to people, but I think most go for the default out of socialization, and because I don't always overtly resist that. (Never mind that I know plenty of presumed 'innies' who dress more relaxed/androgynously than I do. I suspect it's the presumption of 'natural order' at work).

So, that's what I don't know, and how I don't know it.

Comments

[thewonderfuller.livejournal.com]

i don't know that awkwardness can be avoided if we want to do something different from the default. for some people, saying "she" when referring to A will be awkward. "they" would be awkward, too, and probably more so, just because of the implicit number. english pronouns are just poorly suited to the task of referring to a person who does not fit neatly into one of two predetermined gender categories. i think that's what we are trying to change, if even in a small way.

the only way to get beyond something being awkward is for people to do it enough that it becomes familiar and, hopefully, comfortable. at this point, all pronouns are awkward, because they presume a gender or number that is not appropriate. of course, one option is to simply stop using pronouns, but that is also against the default.

i think the idea here is to distribute the awkwardness. if A's friends make a consistent and public effort to change the default, then we all take on some of the awkwardness and help others see that their presumption that the masculine default is appropriate is unwarranted and should be reconsidered. it's not a perfect solution, but i don't know that there is one. it just seems like we have to do *something,* because A is unhappy and doing nothing (or at least nothing consistent and collective) doesn't seem to be changing that.

[relativeaffect.livejournal.com]

*nod*
yes, I understand. My first impulse was that "they" would be more awkward than other alternatives, but I suppose using "it" might have unwanted connotations (it seems to me it's a bit dehumanizing).
I have also been searching for a non gender specific pronoun for general use, and if ya'll are going to use "they," then I'm somewhat inclined to start using "they" as well.