On words

[adrienmundi]

Specifically, pronouns:

This has almost always been a rough part for me, for reasons I'm sure a regular reader will know (probably to the point of tedium). In a nutshell, here's the breakdown:

I know "he" isn't right. It's also darned uncomfortable, at times painful and unpleaseant. It bugs me that this is the default to which others will resort, seemingly without question. Plus, I've logged way too much time exclusively under this label that doesn't fit.

I suspect "she" isn't right, either, but I've very little experiential data with which to make a more certain claim. It's certainly not the default. And, while it may be wrong, it doesn't have the accumulation of years of experienced wrongness attached to it.

I don't like "he", but knowing that "she" likely isn't right either, it feels unfair to request a change on the part of others, particularly since I suspect that it indicates a polar shift in the minds of many.

I've said before, "Use whichever seems appropriate" to people, but I think most go for the default out of socialization, and because I don't always overtly resist that. (Never mind that I know plenty of presumed 'innies' who dress more relaxed/androgynously than I do. I suspect it's the presumption of 'natural order' at work).

So, that's what I don't know, and how I don't know it.

Comments

[thewonderfuller.livejournal.com]

I've said before, "Use whichever seems appropriate" to people

and, yet, if they choose "he," that feels wrong to you. i've never heard you or anyone else comment positively on the use of "it" to refer to a person. so it sounds like "she" is really what you want, at least for now, at least if you want to stay with traditionally singular pronouns.

personally, i think we should take advantage of the common usage of "they" as a singular. it doesn't presume any specific gender.

[relativeaffect.livejournal.com]

Before I read Kim's response, I was lamenting the idea that we have no neuter pronoun in English, but we do, in fact, have "it".
I wonder why it seems so unnatural to use "it" when referring to people. Do you think it has something to do with our inanimate objects being genderless?
If you're comfortable with "she", I'd use it, but I am more sympathetic than most I believe.

[fairyhead.livejournal.com]

I've said this before and will keep saying it, just in hopes that it'll be believable at some point ...

I have no problems with you experimenting with pronouns. none There was a point in time when I was alternating 'she' and 'he', though the response seemed tepid from you, so I didn't work on making it a 'habit' and kind of let it fall out of use. I've kind of been waiting to see if some better option came up.

That being said, though, I am perfectly happy to go with 'she' and let you 'try it on' for a while. I'm willing to bet that other people will, too. And, if that doesn't work for you, that's ok. We can try something else and if that doesn't work, we'll try something else and so on and so on.

It's ok ... 1. you are totally worth it 2. we want you to feel more comfortable in the world 3. it's not like it's actual work to switch around pronouns

This isn't like you are asking a big favor of your friends. If you choose to do so, you're simply asking folks to help you try out a different word. It really is ok for you to ask for that and potentially find that it's not the best fit.