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adrienmundiSpecifically, pronouns:
This has almost always been a rough part for me, for reasons I'm sure a regular reader will know (probably to the point of tedium). In a nutshell, here's the breakdown:
I know "he" isn't right. It's also darned uncomfortable, at times painful and unpleaseant. It bugs me that this is the default to which others will resort, seemingly without question. Plus, I've logged way too much time exclusively under this label that doesn't fit.
I suspect "she" isn't right, either, but I've very little experiential data with which to make a more certain claim. It's certainly not the default. And, while it may be wrong, it doesn't have the accumulation of years of experienced wrongness attached to it.
I don't like "he", but knowing that "she" likely isn't right either, it feels unfair to request a change on the part of others, particularly since I suspect that it indicates a polar shift in the minds of many.
I've said before, "Use whichever seems appropriate" to people, but I think most go for the default out of socialization, and because I don't always overtly resist that. (Never mind that I know plenty of presumed 'innies' who dress more relaxed/androgynously than I do. I suspect it's the presumption of 'natural order' at work).
So, that's what I don't know, and how I don't know it.
This has almost always been a rough part for me, for reasons I'm sure a regular reader will know (probably to the point of tedium). In a nutshell, here's the breakdown:
I know "he" isn't right. It's also darned uncomfortable, at times painful and unpleaseant. It bugs me that this is the default to which others will resort, seemingly without question. Plus, I've logged way too much time exclusively under this label that doesn't fit.
I suspect "she" isn't right, either, but I've very little experiential data with which to make a more certain claim. It's certainly not the default. And, while it may be wrong, it doesn't have the accumulation of years of experienced wrongness attached to it.
I don't like "he", but knowing that "she" likely isn't right either, it feels unfair to request a change on the part of others, particularly since I suspect that it indicates a polar shift in the minds of many.
I've said before, "Use whichever seems appropriate" to people, but I think most go for the default out of socialization, and because I don't always overtly resist that. (Never mind that I know plenty of presumed 'innies' who dress more relaxed/androgynously than I do. I suspect it's the presumption of 'natural order' at work).
So, that's what I don't know, and how I don't know it.
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no subject
Date: 2003-08-15 07:43 am (UTC)this is an experiment for all of us. no one knows how it is going to turn out. but the good thing about experimenting is that you are not committed to the first thing you try, or the second, or the third... you get to keep going until you find the thing that really "feels right" for you. if nothing established works, you can still keep trying new and creative things.
this is important to you. that makes it important to the people who care about you. you deserve to be happy and comfortable in your own body. if trying different pronouns helps you get closer to that, then i am totally for it and i will do what ever i can to facilitate it.
so shall it be "she" for the time being, with open permission to correct people who use "he"?