On words

[adrienmundi]

Specifically, pronouns:

This has almost always been a rough part for me, for reasons I'm sure a regular reader will know (probably to the point of tedium). In a nutshell, here's the breakdown:

I know "he" isn't right. It's also darned uncomfortable, at times painful and unpleaseant. It bugs me that this is the default to which others will resort, seemingly without question. Plus, I've logged way too much time exclusively under this label that doesn't fit.

I suspect "she" isn't right, either, but I've very little experiential data with which to make a more certain claim. It's certainly not the default. And, while it may be wrong, it doesn't have the accumulation of years of experienced wrongness attached to it.

I don't like "he", but knowing that "she" likely isn't right either, it feels unfair to request a change on the part of others, particularly since I suspect that it indicates a polar shift in the minds of many.

I've said before, "Use whichever seems appropriate" to people, but I think most go for the default out of socialization, and because I don't always overtly resist that. (Never mind that I know plenty of presumed 'innies' who dress more relaxed/androgynously than I do. I suspect it's the presumption of 'natural order' at work).

So, that's what I don't know, and how I don't know it.

Comments

[subjective.livejournal.com]

hi. i feel like my life & a's life parallel in lots of ways-- it's rad to see that our partners say similar things about this kind of stuff too. reading this sort of restored my faith in other people. you obviously rock.

a: if you want to talk about pronouns & interacting with other people in this way, feel free to get in touch. i had really similar feelings (about imposing on others when i wasn't sure what was "right" for me, about putting myself in the other box, etc) about a year ago. for a while most of my friends were avoiding pronouns entirely, & then i decided to try out "he" with my girlfriend & a few close friends, just at their homes & stuff. it helped me figure out what felt better to me.

another aspect of it was thinking non-binarily about how people would perceive me (as i've yet to engage in medical options) & how using "he" would be a tool i could use to put a rift in binary gendering.

anyway. best of luck. keep your head up.

[fairyhead.livejournal.com]

Hi back!

You know, if I could hug you, right now, I would! *grin*

Thank you for the very kindly compliment. Wow! Thinking that I could, even in a little way, help restore someone's faith in people ... I'm probably going to have a dumb grin on my face for the rest of the day!

More importantly, though, as always I'm impressed/pleased with your wonderful ability to say the right things so well. I know that Dearest can say it better than I'll ever be able to, but your ideas, input, and support are goodness. Thanks.